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Rahul Baba at a Dalit’s Hut

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Rahul Baba At a Dalit’s Hut

Rahul baba sat on a floor
In a dalit’s hut, he shouted “I want some more”
The poor lady in the kitchen complained
How can we give him more, when we got no more flour

Yours truly, the savior, decided to intervene
Said “come rahul baba, let’s go to another place and eat.
We’ll eat italian, It’ll be my treat”

But rahul baba got grumpy and yelled
Italian food lacks spices. I might as well
Stay hungry for the night, or perhaps
Go another dalit’s hut to see if they’ll oblige

But I was not going to accept defeat in a hurry
I said let’s go to manu uncle’s house
I bet he’ll have some chicken tikka curry
But rahul baba was not impressed and cried
Manu uncle’s so boring and dry
If I go to his home, I am sure I’ll die

Yours truly was not going to up and decided to give it one more try
I said rahul baba you see it’s late in the night
It’s modi uncle’s area, his wolves prowl here at night
That finally got the desired effect
Rahul baba jumped up, packed his stuff and immediately left
Dalit family heaved a sigh of relief
Finally with rahul baba gone, they could sleep in peace…

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Hina Rabbani Khar and Bilawal Bhutto love story – Pakistan foreign affairs minister ka internal affair nahi bhoolunga mein, jab tak hai jaan, jab tak hai jaan)

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A bangladesh tabloid released a story about the love affair between Hina Rabbani Khar and Bilawal Bhutto yesterday. Some people might say – so what’s the big deal. So what if she is married with a kid and the minister of foreign affairs of Pakistan (and most importantly quite a hottie!!!) while Bilawal Bhutto is, well, we can say Rahul Gandhi equivalent of Pakistan.

Hina Rabbani Khar - Quite a Hottie
Hina Rabbani Khar – Quite a Hottie

I bet this love story has raised quite a lot of eye brows in Pakistan, but here in India it has reminded the people about the treachery of pakistanis. Don’t understand the treachery, let me explain.

It’s all quite simple you see, let’s point out all the facts –
1. India and Pakistan both want cordial relations with each other
2. Pakistan made her “foreign affairs” minister
3. the simple understanding that people of india had was that either she would not have any affair (political or personal), she’d just come to india, indian media and men would fall head over heels in love with her. She will give her cute smile and she’ll leave. OR (and this is a very big OR, kripya gaOR farmayein) if she indeed has an affair, it will be a foreign affair – preferably with an Indian…

Who can forget all the million dollar smiles that SM Krishna gives when he meets her. It is alleged that he doesn’t wash his hands for a few days after a hand shake with her, lest her perfume fades. Rahul Gandhi- the supposed yuvraj (the prince types, not the cricket types) of India has remained a bachelor till date. I bet rahul dude must be feeling like vivek oberoi in the movie “yuvraj”… he even reduced his diet and started eating at the homes of poor folks instead of eating a sumptuous italian meal cooked at home…

So I think its’s only fair that the people of india are quite disappointed and grumpy. I am sure rahul gandhi must be feeling like the loser in the VIP frenchie underwear ad – what’s he got that I ain’t got.

Bilawal Beats Rahul gandhi for Hina rabbani khar. rahul says - what's he got that i ain't got
Bilawal Beats Rahul gandhi for Hina rabbani khar. rahul says – what’s he got that i ain’t got

Even in pakistan, the folks are quite annoyed. They were hoping that Hina would sing the song – mein hoon khush rang Hina – with a head of state of a developed country, so that their country would get some foreign aids, oops I meant foreign aid (seriously, of course). Now a love affair with Bilawal is just a waste of time and a waste of precious natural resource (that is hina rabbani khar!). I bet President Zardari must have told her – Foreign affairs minister ho karr, internal affairs karti ho. Sharam nahi aati!!!

Anyways, now nothing can be done. The whole world is sulking and the two love birds are planning to marry and settle down in Switzerland (hopefully so that it can become a proper “foreign affair”)… now the only chance that India has to take revenge for this is to make Sunny Leone (the conservative indian girl) foreign affairs minister of India and then later Rahul Gandhi can have a love affair with her and marry her. I am sure when Sunny goes to pakistan and flashes her what she shows best (oh ho – i meant smile baba, you guys bhi na – you’re all just too much) and then later breaks the pakistani hearts then the people of pakistan will realize what true heart break is all about.

rahul gandhi - quite a ladies man
rahul gandhi – quite a ladies man
sunny leone - india's next "foreign affairs" minister
sunny leone – india’s next “foreign affairs” minister

 

Till then the lovers of India will say –

Pakistan ki foreign affairs minister ka internal affair
Nahi bhoolonga mein
Jab tak hai Jaan, Jab tak hai Jaan

pakistan ka yeh dhoka nahi bhoolengey hum jab tak hai jaan
pakistan ka yeh dhoka nahi bhoolengey hum jab tak hai jaan

Priyanka chopra – Please Browny matt kaho na … (mein barfi hoon)

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There has been a lot of discussion around priyanka chopra’s wacky hairdo in the upcoming movie barfi. Obviously, actors (and for matter actresses) being actors always have a standard answer to all these things – this was the demand of the role. Ok I understand that, but then why do you want to do such roles (greed of awards, critical acclaim, hai na …). However in the case of priyanka chopra it is not the case. She has a totally different reason for doing the movie barfi.

priyanka chopra - mein bhi barfie
priyanka chopra – mein bhi barfi hoon
Before the movie (what a perfect timing I say), she told the world that she was called browny while she was studying in a high school in the US. Now I say, what a great and deep statement she has made. Let’s analyse what all points this deep and profound statement conveys –
1. She is educated – afterall she went to a high school
2. She is educated in the US – the incident happened in a high school in the US
3. She was victimized & traumatized & racially abused in the US
4. Amrikans can’t spell – hello, it is spelled as b-r-o-w-n-i-e …
5. Shows the foolishness of amrikans – I mean in north india, I used to tease my south indian classmates by calling them “aiyo idli dosa”, similarly a north india healthy kid in the class was called as “poda” (short for pakoda). (On a separate note – poda is a good friend of mine and we still call him poda even now that he is married and has a kid. Anyways let me not diagress.) My point is why call a indian “brownie” or “browny” or whatever they called her. Brownie is a American food, in india we have loads of other things dhokla, rasgulla, ladoo, barfi … there are loads of food items from which they could have picked any suitable title.
priyanka chopra aur browny - kabhi nahi
priyanka chopra aur brownie – kabhi nahi
priyanka - mein hoon barfi
priyanka – mein hoon barfi

Acha ji, ab sochne ki baat yeh hai ki who called her brownie/browny (couldn’t have been brawny – unless she was a pehelwaan! – which for the sake of simplicity, let’s assume she was not). Was it random boys who were trying their try their luck with her. Couldn’t be that coz those kids would have called her babe/honey and I am sure priyanka (like all decent bhartiya ladkis) would have been jolly annoyed with their antics and kicked their asses. So, finally the guys would have started calling her a brownie/browny behind her back because just like having too much brownie is dangerous for health, similarly they realized that taking too much punga with PC was dangerous for them.
priyanka chopra - don't call me babe
priyanka chopra – don’t call me babe
priyanka chopra t shirt
priyanka chopra t shirt – don’t call me honey
priyanka chopra - bashing up naught amrikans
priyanka chopra – bashing up naught amrikans

But how does all these things which happened so many years ago, have to do with her upcoming movie (I hear you ask). Arey, its simple na. I am sure that eventually priyanka figured out that she was called brownie/browny and then she decided she needs to get back to the amrikans for this badmaashi and tell them who she really is. So she decided on a two-pronged strategy –
1. She will start singing, despite having no musical talent. And not only any halka fulka (bathroom singing) type music, she will release an album in the US to torture amrikans.
2. She will do a movie called “barfi”, so that amrikans know that she is not a brownie, she is afterall a desi barfi. Much whiter, much sleeker, much tastier, Barfi.
This whole browny drama of priyanka chopra reminds me of dear ole pooja “auntie” of the sitcom, Hum Paach. I am sure just like Pooja Auntie used to say – Auntie matt kaho na, PC must have felt, browny matt kaho na (mein toh ekdum barfi hoon!).
hum paanch - pooja auntie, auntie matt kaho na
hum paanch – pooja auntie, auntie matt kaho na

Sherlyn chopra – no more paid sex for me pls (all I want are tangible & intangible riches and i love my cucumbers)

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As soon as the news (of Sherlyn Chopra saying that she likes being a tease but she won’t have “paid” sex) got around, poeple got really mad. they were like – move over mel gibson (the original patriot), india has its very own desi deshbhakt. The one who understands the needs and desires of our country. Who understands that in Rs. 28 per day, one can barely afford 3 meals a day, let alone paying for luxuries like sex (itne paisey mein toh biwi ka headache hi milega ji). People started going on upwaas and saving their money to buy a copy of playboy magazine to get to know her better. They started queuing outside her house hoping that our dearie sherlyn chopra will have FREE sex with them!!! The people who had paid sex with her were feeling like losers now – thora ruk jaate toh, you know free n all …

 

I mean, what can I say – Are  you guys nuts or what… here you all are mango men (aam aadmi) and here is our dearie, playboy model, LA returned Madam chopra, aisa tum log soch bhi kaisey sakte ho… Chaps let’s not get excited an all, let’s control ourselves, take a step back (no I am not jumping to the start of the queue), let’s try and figure out what she said and what she meant…

 

Sherlyn chopra was very clear with her intentions. She said – ” I enjoy being a tease. I enjoy sex when … it is a result of uncontrollable lust or attraction”. She also said that she did not enjoy sex when it was a result of any obligation (mental/emotional/financial). Waah I say, now that’s the free spiritedness of the 60s. Have fun with no obligation… almost makes me feel as if she has been transported back in time to the 60s like austin powers in “the goldmember” … Yeah baby, yeah.

austin powers yeah baby yeah

She also got into a spiritual tangent and started saying things like – “we should have child like belief in the power of spirit and then there shall be no lack of tangible and intangible riches in our life”

 

And final fact before we begin our analysis, all of this happened after her trip to the US (and the playboy shoot)….

 sherlyn chopra - fun in playboy mansion

So here is my analysis of this all in simple words for mango man (aam aadmi) –

 

1. Sherlyn chopra will not stop having sex

2. Sherlyn Chopra is now damn rich, courtesy playboy shoot. She doesn’t need to charge you for sex anymore …  She is now best friends with Hugh Hefner

sherlyn chopra best buddies with hugh hefner

3. So how do you get to have sex with her …it’s simple really. All you need to do is she her your belief in the spirit and your tangible and intangible riches

4. She is poking fun at others who sing, dance, dare2bare and do what not (all hanky panky stuff i say) to earn their “hard” (no puns intended) earned money – she is saying you losers, I did my one playboy shoot and look I am so rich. I can still entice the ones i want by saying that i like being a tease but also reject the ones I want by saying hi-fi stuff like you lack belief in the power of spirit and hence you lack intangible riches in your life….  

5. finally for the aam aadmi – well if you really thought that sherlyn chopra will have sex with you for free… then dream on dearies. Life is not fair. Read the fine print, she wants you to have “tangible” riches in life… she has suggested one way – power of spirit- so feel free to try buying lottery tickets and if indeed god is generous to you then who knows maybe ms chopra might also be kind enough. But for 99% she is just being a tease that she likes to be to say that you can have her but she’s just inches away from your grasp. As someone said (dunno who, if nobody else claims, then it’s me) – everyone always needs a few more inches (no pun intended)…

Finally – what has Sherlyn been doing while all this has been happening – well she has just been a nice and homely girl. She has been chatting away with the world… telling them how she loves having cucumber and excusing herself of potty breaks… she has been such a charmer that now more than 100,000 people follow her on Twitter – well that’s the power of cucumber … clearly India loves her… 

sherlyn chopra - i want a potty breaksherlyn chopra - i love my cucumbers

Finally a Baba worth following … Baba Aparajith

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India beat Pakistan (again) in the world cup (U-19) and mostly due to the brilliant performance of Baba Aparajith. Ok before you think it’s another one of the shady babas who would have done some shady pooja to help us win, let me clarify that it’s not the case.

Baba Aparajith is a Indian cricketer – a offspin bowler and a useful right handed batsman. You can check his profile at – http://www.bcci.tv/bcci/bccitv/community/player/profile/5016312f42cf8

Baba Aparajith Indian U19 cricketer

For once he is not like the usual babas that we have been following –

1. Rahul Baba – the future of our country, forty plus year old youth icon, whose claim to fame is to go to poor people’s house and eat all their food (now whenever people in villages hear that he’s about to come to their village they eat all their food – jaldi khana khaa loh nahi toh rahul aa karr khaa jayega)

Rahul gandhi eating dalit dinner

2. Baba Ramdev – perhaps the shadiest of all babas in the recent times. He started off as a yoga guru and then suddenly realized that there is a lot of untapped black money outside india which he needs to have a share in, so he joined hands with anna hazare, and became like jai and veeru (or batman and robin, whichever you like)

Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev as Jai & Veeru and Batman & Robin

A bit more on the shady baba ramdev, he’s been quite popular with females. Esp. one rakhi sawant who claimed that she can charm him. Another character trait of this fellow is that when things get tough (like police comes to get rid of him) he wears women clothes and runs away (definitely very cowardly and shady indeed), some people think that for his future crusades he bought summy leone’s clothes (yes she did wear some clothes in a hindi movie recently) …

Here’s presently Baba Leone (police please note) –

Baba Ramdev in sunny leone's clothes for his next police escape

3. Baba Sehgal – one of the original rapers of India. Unfortunately, he came at a time when Indians did not know about rap music and some fellows confused rap with rape 😦 … his shady villianish looks and hot videos featuring pooja bedi did not help either …

Baba Sehagl - the king of Rap

Anyways enough of the shady babas – let’s hope Baba Aparajith ends up doing better than these and does not well for himself and for the country. Looking forward to having a Baba in the indian cricket team, i bet once that happens, babes (and advertisers) will be all over him … good luck dude and well done in today’s match.

Poem on India’s independence (birth)day

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Happy Independence Day India (August 15)

happy b’day to my dearest nation
the one that is often criticized and subject to condemnation
by armchair activists and critics who seem to know it all
but aren’t there things about it that we can be proud of
the smart yet friendly set of people that we are a part of

the pride in our cricket team when we win the world cup
would you get that satisfaction sipping English tea from a porcelain cup
all the things, i agree, are not perfect
but still the love that we get in our country from our people is as good as it gets

so on our country’s yet another birthday let us all rejoice
keep away our petty issues and differences, celebrate and sing in one voice
there is enough time to tackle all issues at hand
but independence day is a day to party and play a loud band…

The secret behind higgs boson particle’s faster than light speed

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Now we know why higgs boson particle is also called ”the god particle”.

rajnikant rajni higgs-boson particle cern laboratory