political

Rahul Baba at a Dalit’s Hut

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Rahul Baba At a Dalit’s Hut

Rahul baba sat on a floor
In a dalit’s hut, he shouted “I want some more”
The poor lady in the kitchen complained
How can we give him more, when we got no more flour

Yours truly, the savior, decided to intervene
Said “come rahul baba, let’s go to another place and eat.
We’ll eat italian, It’ll be my treat”

But rahul baba got grumpy and yelled
Italian food lacks spices. I might as well
Stay hungry for the night, or perhaps
Go another dalit’s hut to see if they’ll oblige

But I was not going to accept defeat in a hurry
I said let’s go to manu uncle’s house
I bet he’ll have some chicken tikka curry
But rahul baba was not impressed and cried
Manu uncle’s so boring and dry
If I go to his home, I am sure I’ll die

Yours truly was not going to up and decided to give it one more try
I said rahul baba you see it’s late in the night
It’s modi uncle’s area, his wolves prowl here at night
That finally got the desired effect
Rahul baba jumped up, packed his stuff and immediately left
Dalit family heaved a sigh of relief
Finally with rahul baba gone, they could sleep in peace…

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Hina Rabbani Khar and Bilawal Bhutto love story – Pakistan foreign affairs minister ka internal affair nahi bhoolunga mein, jab tak hai jaan, jab tak hai jaan)

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A bangladesh tabloid released a story about the love affair between Hina Rabbani Khar and Bilawal Bhutto yesterday. Some people might say – so what’s the big deal. So what if she is married with a kid and the minister of foreign affairs of Pakistan (and most importantly quite a hottie!!!) while Bilawal Bhutto is, well, we can say Rahul Gandhi equivalent of Pakistan.

Hina Rabbani Khar - Quite a Hottie
Hina Rabbani Khar – Quite a Hottie

I bet this love story has raised quite a lot of eye brows in Pakistan, but here in India it has reminded the people about the treachery of pakistanis. Don’t understand the treachery, let me explain.

It’s all quite simple you see, let’s point out all the facts –
1. India and Pakistan both want cordial relations with each other
2. Pakistan made her “foreign affairs” minister
3. the simple understanding that people of india had was that either she would not have any affair (political or personal), she’d just come to india, indian media and men would fall head over heels in love with her. She will give her cute smile and she’ll leave. OR (and this is a very big OR, kripya gaOR farmayein) if she indeed has an affair, it will be a foreign affair – preferably with an Indian…

Who can forget all the million dollar smiles that SM Krishna gives when he meets her. It is alleged that he doesn’t wash his hands for a few days after a hand shake with her, lest her perfume fades. Rahul Gandhi- the supposed yuvraj (the prince types, not the cricket types) of India has remained a bachelor till date. I bet rahul dude must be feeling like vivek oberoi in the movie “yuvraj”… he even reduced his diet and started eating at the homes of poor folks instead of eating a sumptuous italian meal cooked at home…

So I think its’s only fair that the people of india are quite disappointed and grumpy. I am sure rahul gandhi must be feeling like the loser in the VIP frenchie underwear ad – what’s he got that I ain’t got.

Bilawal Beats Rahul gandhi for Hina rabbani khar. rahul says - what's he got that i ain't got
Bilawal Beats Rahul gandhi for Hina rabbani khar. rahul says – what’s he got that i ain’t got

Even in pakistan, the folks are quite annoyed. They were hoping that Hina would sing the song – mein hoon khush rang Hina – with a head of state of a developed country, so that their country would get some foreign aids, oops I meant foreign aid (seriously, of course). Now a love affair with Bilawal is just a waste of time and a waste of precious natural resource (that is hina rabbani khar!). I bet President Zardari must have told her – Foreign affairs minister ho karr, internal affairs karti ho. Sharam nahi aati!!!

Anyways, now nothing can be done. The whole world is sulking and the two love birds are planning to marry and settle down in Switzerland (hopefully so that it can become a proper “foreign affair”)… now the only chance that India has to take revenge for this is to make Sunny Leone (the conservative indian girl) foreign affairs minister of India and then later Rahul Gandhi can have a love affair with her and marry her. I am sure when Sunny goes to pakistan and flashes her what she shows best (oh ho – i meant smile baba, you guys bhi na – you’re all just too much) and then later breaks the pakistani hearts then the people of pakistan will realize what true heart break is all about.

rahul gandhi - quite a ladies man
rahul gandhi – quite a ladies man
sunny leone - india's next "foreign affairs" minister
sunny leone – india’s next “foreign affairs” minister

 

Till then the lovers of India will say –

Pakistan ki foreign affairs minister ka internal affair
Nahi bhoolonga mein
Jab tak hai Jaan, Jab tak hai Jaan

pakistan ka yeh dhoka nahi bhoolengey hum jab tak hai jaan
pakistan ka yeh dhoka nahi bhoolengey hum jab tak hai jaan

In defense of Manmohan Singh – A gentleman bullied by media (TIME magazine and Washington Post)

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The other day I was wondering does Manmohan Singh use Denim Deodorant and if he does, then what would have happened if he used Gillette – hey it’s all very serious, ok. Remember Denim Deo’s ad – “For the man who doesn’t have to try too hard” – what if Dear ole Manmohan took that way too seriously … thinking that the wayward and corrupt politicians would eventually turn good. He doesn’t have to try too hard (explaining them that it’s not right for the politicians to do all that). Wonder if by using Gillette products, he would have become – the best the man can get – even as a senior citizen of this youngistan…

Anyways, never mind all these product companies, coming to the main point – yeh kya badmaashi ho rahi hai??? Why is the whole world hell bent on bullying a nice ole chappie – our dear ole MMS – Manmohan Singh. Give the chap a break for god’s sake. Bhagwaan ke liye usey break deh doh – imagine yours truely yelling in filmy style, like the women in hindi movies would yell before an attempt to rape scene. However, the villians (in movies – chaps like prem chopra, shakti kapoor et al and in this case – time magazine, washington post et al) would just smile wickedly and say “Agar bhagwaan ke liye tujhe chor dunga toh mera kya hoga … HA HA HAH…”. And these media villians are toh even worse than the regular villians – they are the ones who originated the phrase – Teri keh ke lunga… they write all the bad things about you – calling you “a tragic figure” or “the underachiever” and what not.

Now this is clearly not done… imagine if someone had told manmohan singh and his family that in future he would be featured on covers of TIME magazine and Washington Post, I am sure they would have been so happy and proud of the fact … but uff yeh media ki bewafai… Just see what they did to the poor chappie…

Manmohan Singh - Really a Underachiever
Manmohan Singh – Really a Underachiever???

The question still remains, is all this criticism and bullying of a decent guy (i am sure all of us agree that despite all his weaknesses, he is still a decent fella), justified?
Let me ask all of you –
1. is india the only country where there is widespread corruption
2. did we not have corruption before manmohan singh took over the prime ministership
3. agreed that there are corrupt ministers while he is the prime minister, but shouldn’t our prime target be those chappies rather than take aim at a soft target (just because we know that this nice guy will listen everything and won’t say a word).

It’s almost like during the times of Mahabharata – everybody criticizing Bhisma Pitamah/ Guru Dronacharya for the bad deeds of that bad-ass Duryodhana… coming to think of it, isn’t the whole situation way too much like Mahabharata anyways – there are loads of kauravas and between them are stuck nice folks like MMS, who unfortunately are bound by their sense of duty/loyalty to support them for whatever they are …
Come on fellas, we were smart enough to understand the compulsions of the great people (read bhism pitamah/ guru dronacharya) then, so can’t we be sensible enough to target the really bad guys that exist rather than criticizing folks who we know would take it one the chin… remember the saying – when shit hits the fan, some guys run and some guys stand … People like manmohan are the loyal folks who still continue to stand and are prepared to get dirty in the process… It’s about time that we all also realize that.

Manmohan Singh - Bhishma pitamah
Manmohan Singh – Bhishma pitamah

Now as far as foreign bullies like TIME and Washington Post go – Boss, why don’t you mind your own business, you have/had such clowns in leadership positions your own country who are able to boast of the foreign policy expertize just because they are able to see Russia from Alaska or who talk about legitimate rape & how human body has defence mechanisms to avoid pregnancy from rape – DUH … why don’t you focus your attentions on these morons and let us live in peace. Please look around you’ll find thousands more people with such brilliant thinking and mindsets in your own country. As dear RAJKUMAR said – Jaani jinke ghar sheeshey ke hotay hain woh dusroon ke ghar parr pathar nahi maarte …

(kindly note – I did not advise the western media to read mahabharata – I don’t think their pigeon size brain will ever understand it)

Finally, in true Mark Anthony style, to my fellow countrymen –

Friends, Indians, countrymen, Lend me your ears;
for I am here to defend Manmohan, from the media bullies
the evil that men do is focussed on when the media talk about them;
the good is oft forgotten and ignored by the prejudiced mind;
So let it be with Manmohan.
The smart and popular TIME magazine, called him ” The Underachiever”
if it were so, it was a grievous fault
And grievously hath Manmohan answer’d it.
Here by taking all the blame of the corrupt ministers on thyself
For TIME Magazine is a noble magazine;
So is all media, all honourable men –

Come I to speak in the times of Manmohan’s condemnation.
He is our leader, honorable and wise;
But Washinton Post says that he is “Tragic figure”
And Washington Post is a honourable publication
He hath brought many reforms to Indian financial system
Which ushered india to the path of greatness and glory:
By doing this does Manmohan seem tragic?
Recently when that the national and world economies had suffered, World leaders came to him for help
And Manmohan was at the forefront and worked hard to find solutions
Tragic figures would have faltered and run away
Yet Washington Post says that he is Tragic
And Washington Post is a honourable publication

I speak not to disprove what TIME and Washington Post wrote,
But here I am to speak what I do know.
You all did love him once, not without a cause
What cause withholds you then to understand his constraints and compulsions?
O empathy! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
And men have lost their reason. bear with me;
My heart feels sad for dear ole Manmohan
And I must shout out till others see his goodness like me.

Finally a Baba worth following … Baba Aparajith

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India beat Pakistan (again) in the world cup (U-19) and mostly due to the brilliant performance of Baba Aparajith. Ok before you think it’s another one of the shady babas who would have done some shady pooja to help us win, let me clarify that it’s not the case.

Baba Aparajith is a Indian cricketer – a offspin bowler and a useful right handed batsman. You can check his profile at – http://www.bcci.tv/bcci/bccitv/community/player/profile/5016312f42cf8

Baba Aparajith Indian U19 cricketer

For once he is not like the usual babas that we have been following –

1. Rahul Baba – the future of our country, forty plus year old youth icon, whose claim to fame is to go to poor people’s house and eat all their food (now whenever people in villages hear that he’s about to come to their village they eat all their food – jaldi khana khaa loh nahi toh rahul aa karr khaa jayega)

Rahul gandhi eating dalit dinner

2. Baba Ramdev – perhaps the shadiest of all babas in the recent times. He started off as a yoga guru and then suddenly realized that there is a lot of untapped black money outside india which he needs to have a share in, so he joined hands with anna hazare, and became like jai and veeru (or batman and robin, whichever you like)

Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev as Jai & Veeru and Batman & Robin

A bit more on the shady baba ramdev, he’s been quite popular with females. Esp. one rakhi sawant who claimed that she can charm him. Another character trait of this fellow is that when things get tough (like police comes to get rid of him) he wears women clothes and runs away (definitely very cowardly and shady indeed), some people think that for his future crusades he bought summy leone’s clothes (yes she did wear some clothes in a hindi movie recently) …

Here’s presently Baba Leone (police please note) –

Baba Ramdev in sunny leone's clothes for his next police escape

3. Baba Sehgal – one of the original rapers of India. Unfortunately, he came at a time when Indians did not know about rap music and some fellows confused rap with rape 😦 … his shady villianish looks and hot videos featuring pooja bedi did not help either …

Baba Sehagl - the king of Rap

Anyways enough of the shady babas – let’s hope Baba Aparajith ends up doing better than these and does not well for himself and for the country. Looking forward to having a Baba in the indian cricket team, i bet once that happens, babes (and advertisers) will be all over him … good luck dude and well done in today’s match.

how baby arnab goswami was publicly spanked by madhu kishwar

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There was once a baby boy – his name was arnab goswami. He was an intellectual bore and a rather silly fellow. He believed that he was “the chosen one”. Like Judge Dredd he believed that – ” I am the law”

Judge Dredd

Judge Arnab - I am the LAW

It was all right for quite some time and everybody tolerated his bully behavior. He would call people to talk to him and then let them not speak. If they managed to speak and say something which his teeny weeny brain failed to comprehend, he would start blabbering gibberish and start shouting and yelling. The first time he did that everybody thought that he chappie is a little thirsty, give him a bit of milk and he’ll calm down. Maybe while we are at it, sing him a lullaby. Once some folks started pestering him, he became even worse and started doing it every night. Some people started coming to see it, mainly for 2 reasons –

1. What is wrong with the poor fellow, is he completely a gone case or is there some hope

2. Is it really true that everyday he does this nonsense. There must be some days when he speaks some sense. Come on chaps, we can’t give up, we must wait for the day when he makes some sense…

But alas, some things are never to be … before that day came, when baby arnab spoke any sense, he was publicly spanked by a academic (ooh, it’s too heavy a word, let’s just call her a “teacher”) – Madhu. Now Madhu madam had met baby arnab a few times before “the day”. She tried to put in some sense in him. But the bully baby that he was, he refused to listen and did his drama… he was a bad baby you see…

bad baby arnab

Now teacher madhu was trying hard to be calm and baby arnab was being a total dumb-ass.

dumb ass baby arnab goswami

Personally, i think there are 2 (actually coming to think of it, 3) reasons for baby arnab to get public spanking from teacher Madhu –

Reasons 1. & 2. – Gangs of wasseypur Parts 1 and 2 – which inspired everybody to – “keh ke lunga” (imagine if MMS watches this and calls Narendra Modi and tells him – teri keh ke lunga”, would be real fun – ok now let’s not digress)

Reason 3 – independence day – it seriously does shady things to ppl. For example everybody starts thinking about all the freedoms that they have, like freedom to speak up, freedom to give public spanking etc…

So enpowered with freedom of speech and inspired by Gangs of wasseypur, teacher Madhu did the unthinkable, something that had never happened before… She publicly spanked baby arnab for being a dumbass spoilt brat and in gangs of wasseypur lingo – baby arnab ki keh ke le li … ( to know how, read the links – http://www.manushi.in/articles.php?articleId=1616&ptype & http://www.manushi.in/articles.php?articleId=1617&ptype ) . Well done, Teacher.  CLAP CLAP CLAP…

Poem on India’s independence (birth)day

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Happy Independence Day India (August 15)

happy b’day to my dearest nation
the one that is often criticized and subject to condemnation
by armchair activists and critics who seem to know it all
but aren’t there things about it that we can be proud of
the smart yet friendly set of people that we are a part of

the pride in our cricket team when we win the world cup
would you get that satisfaction sipping English tea from a porcelain cup
all the things, i agree, are not perfect
but still the love that we get in our country from our people is as good as it gets

so on our country’s yet another birthday let us all rejoice
keep away our petty issues and differences, celebrate and sing in one voice
there is enough time to tackle all issues at hand
but independence day is a day to party and play a loud band…

Sania Mirza’s letter to AITA, leander paes & his daddy and Mahesh Bhupati and all “man” kind – all she needs is a bit of attention. Is that too much to ask?

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Sania mirza has written a quite elaborate and detailed letter to AITA, in which she mentions how she has been humiliated as an Indian woman. How she was “put up as a bait to try and pacify one of the disgruntled stalwarts of Indian tennis”  and so on …

The letter needs to be read carefully to understand what she really wanted to communicate through that… here is what I understood from it –

“I feel absolutely thrilled and emotionally overwhelmed to have qualified to represent India at the Olympics in London. I am extremely grateful to the International Tennis Federation for the faith they have reposed in me by giving me a wild card entry that gives me a cherished opportunity to represent my country at the Olympics for the second time in my life.” – all she meant was that Pakistan is a loser country, they don’t have any good tennis players so I am stuck with india. I enjoyed shopping when I went for Olympics the last time. This time Olympics are in London and I have loads of friends there – we’ll party hard, enjoy and do loads of shopping (if only they would have allowed shoaib to play in the IPL, would have got more money for shopping.

NOTE TO SELF – must remind shoaib to change nationality and become a british citizen so that he can also play in the IPL like Azhar mehmood. Lucky bugger. ..

“I have to admit that helplessly watching the sport that I love and passionately play, go through extremely trying times in my country in the last few days and the unusual pressures that I was personally subjected to have left me shaken and disturbed.” – aah finally they are discussing me in the media, my lucky days have come. Hopefully some new endorsements will come my way as well. Let me leverage this, make some hue and  cry and benefit from this situation…

“To Dr. Vece Paes, who has on camera asked me to give in writing about my intention of partnering his son for the mixed doubles event at the Olympics, I would like to point out that my commitment is to my country. For the sake of India I am committed to play with Leander Paes or Mahesh Bhupathi or Rohan Bopanna or Somdev Devvarman or Vishnu Vardhan or any other person that my country feels I am good enough to partner. There should never ever be a question on this although if asked, I am entitled to have my preferences. I will do everything i possibly can to win a medal for Inda.” – Dr Vece Paes – FUCK OFF!!!

“To Leander Paes I would like to point out that Vishnu Vardhan is an extremely talented player, who I had the privilege of partnering. We went on to win a silver medal for India at the 2010 Asian Games, when all the three male stalwarts of Indian tennis had opted to stay away from Guangzhou. I am convinced that he can go one better when pitted with someone as good as Leander as partner. For Leander to consider partnering with Vishnu only if he has a written assurance from me to play mixed (as Vece Uncle has suggested in his television interviews) is, I think demeaning for me, Vishnu and Leander Paes.”  – To Leander Paes – dude don’t be greedy. Vishnu is a good boy, he’s an absolute puppy. He will do as you say. Also, what’s the deal about partnering with me. Get over it dude, I prefer mahesh. Don’t you get it.

“Mahesh Bhupathi has firmly stood by his commitment to play together with his men’s doubles partner, Rohan Bopanna as he genuinely believed it was good for India. However, in the process, he sacrificed the commitment he made to me to try and win an Olympic medal together for India. Each person has his or her own priorities and I would like to believe that Mahesh made his choice  in the best interests of the country.”  – Mahesh is such a darling and such a nice guy. He’s my choice of a partner and my hero. OK Shoaib, don’t be jealous now. I meant partner in tennis, not what you are thinking, you naughty boy.  

“As an Indian woman belonging to the 21st century, what I find disillusioning is the humiliating manner in which I was put up as a bait to try and pacify one of the disgruntled stalwarts of Indian tennis. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH … This kind of blatant humiliation of Indian womanhood needs to be condemned even if it comes from the highest controlling body of tennis in our country.” – why is nobody giving me any attention and more importantly any endorsements. Don’t you know how expensive it is for women to look pretty even as they grow old. Who will pay for my beauty parlor bills. I am a bharatiya naari, I will make loads of noise, just to get attention of the nation. That’s what my gurus – Ekta kapoor, archana puran singh and rakhi sawant have taught me. How I wish I could have video recorded this letter, I could have added a few tears for extra impact…

“I have been fortunate to achieve a career best singles ranking of 27 in the world that has been only bettered by Vijay Amritraj (16) and Ramesh Krishnan (23) even amongst the men in the modern era. I have a career best doubles ranking of 7 in the world, which only Leander Paes and Mahesh Bhupathi have bettered. I am the only Grand Slam champion from India apart from Mahesh and Leander.  I believe I can expect a little more respect from the National Tennis Federation than what has been accorded to me even if they did not think it necessary to send me a simple congratulatory message after I had won my second Grand Slam title 3 weeks ago.” – I ROCK, I AM THE GREATEST TENNIS PLAYER  – WOMAN SACHIN TENDULKAR OF TENNIS – ALL YOU LESSOR MORTALS BOW BEFORE ME… all of you silly boys fighting over me and the big boys of AITA SUCK BIG TIME!!! SHOIAB – let this be a lesson to you. See I’ve still got it and boys still fight to partner me.

“What is even more shocking is the manner in which facts have been misrepresented to the public at large to paint a totally wrong picture in an attempt to justify the breaking up of a team that won second Grand Slam title only days earlier. MORE BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH … SOMETHINGS ON the LINES OF I LOVE MY INDIA… I only seek the blessings of the people of our beloved country. Nothing more.”  – I am such a nice girl, All I want is some money, some attention and some endorsements. Can’t you do that for your fav SANIA – mind you not that girl with similar sounding name, SAINA, SIANA or whatever. LOVE YOU ALL and PLZ DON’T FORGET ME… HUGS & KISSES – esp. to my fav partner Mahesh  ❤