Month: May 2012

Tusshar Kapoor – what the hell are you thinking – sorry, ofcourse you don’t think

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Here is Tusshar kapoor trying to copy john abraham’s pose for his upcoming movie – kya super cool hain hum…

It’s clearly not a super cool move.
Come on tusshar, what the hell were u thinking (oops, sorry – ofcourse u can’t think)

It’s almost a surprise that this cartoon has not been banned. Anyways, what were u trying to prove – trying to cause insecurities to sunny leone or show that you still have a butt (even though it has been kicked a 1000 times), or perhaps trying to make a pointy with your pointy moobs. It’s clearly not cool and I doubt if mahesh bhatt will sign you for his next movie just on the basis of this “revealing” pic.

tusshar kapoor john abraham kya super cool hai hum

Here is one more “not so super cool” pic of tusshar. Not so cool dude, not so cool…

tusshar kapoor

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now we know ramesh, suresh pitaji ki patloon choti kyun karwa rahe hain…

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The secret is out (5 star ad) – masterji pitaji ki patloon ek bhilaang choti karr doh … Smart boys!!!

IPL – why this kolaveri Sid Mallya, Shah rukh khan, luke pomersbach and kirti azad

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There is lots that is going on in IPL – and the best fun is not on the ground, not even in the after match parties (actually there could be some real good “fun” going on in those, but nobody told me anything, unless there is a police complaint 😦 ). The real fun seems to be happening after the matches …
first it was the turn of the “don” of bollywood to get into trouble. Don – jisey barah mulkoon ki police dhoond rahi hai aur jiska pakara jaana mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai … well, except when he goes to the US and is interrogated by the immigration authorities there (see below)

SRK in US and India

Anyways, never mind US, but believe it or not the “don” was caught by the wankhede stadium guards (not a mean achievement, eh!) – they said that he was drunk and misbehaving. SRK on his part said that he was just protecting the kids … The poor chap even repeated – my name is khan and I am not a terrorist, but alas, nobody was in a mood to listen.

drunk shah rukh khan

Anyways, the way it all got resolved was that SRK is banned from the stadium for 5 years.
It’s a funny “penalty” or “punishment” or whatever you feel like considering it. Common fellas, the guy is super rich and super powerful, he can build a stadium for himself and do all the drama and naach gaana in that. And plus now that he is the owner of kolkata team, Eden gardens is almost like his sasuraal … if you know what i mean (what i definitely did not mean was that mamata didi is his moom-in-law, just to clarify!!!) …

srk banned from wankhede

So this was the story of SRK in IPL … and that’s not all that I want to report today. I’m just getting started you see!!!
Barely 24 hours after this drama in Mumbai, the next drama happened in (where else but) delhi. Believe it or not a lot of people are considering that the city itself is responsible for the next drama. Let me elaborate. There was this match in delhi between delhi and Bangalore teams in which gayle was just hitting sixes after sixes. Gayle ney itney chakkey maarey ki poor ole bobby darling got worried – kyunki gayle chakkey maar raha thaa (sorry poor joke)… anyways after the match, one person from Bangalore team, an aussie (who else – luke pomersbach) misbehaved with a woman and beat up her fiancée. Now everybody is saying, if you come to delhi, such things are anyways likely to happen. When in rome (oops, delhi) do as the romans (in this case delhiites) do. Now that is a completely unfair allegation/ comment – but whatever!!!
Now the funniest bit is that sid mallya defended his player saying that the woman had loose character – everybody asked why? He said simple, she asked for his blackberry pin. Clearly she is not a future wife material … OH MY GOD. It’s too soon to say for sure but I bet blackberry sales have declined drastically since this comment and females have since then stopped giving blackberry pin not only to sid mallya but also to anyone else (look sid mallya – what have you done, you moron – look even daddy knows…).

sid mallya - you moron

daddy knows better

Finally with all this drama going on and because 1. Nobody was paying any attention to him and 2. Because his wife had been nagging him way too long because of his bulging tummy, kirti azad has decided to go on a fast  … way to go dude, how about also calling in serial fasters like baba ramdev and anna hazare as well. Only advice that I’ll like to give is that keep some women’s clothes handy – so that you can wear them and run in disguise when police comes to beat some sense in you.

hillary clinton to meet mamata banerjee – important questions that can be asked by mamata didi before she signs a deal

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Hillary clinton has come to india to meet mamata banerjee and others to discuss key economic issues. However, probably she doesn’t know that meeting mamata and getting her to sign business deals is easier said than done, it’s a bit like getting into the “not so real” tv show – roadies.

I am sure that mamata and the quiz màster dude -derek will quiz her quite a bit, before anything concrete can be discussed and finalized.

Being the nice guy that I am, I am happy to help hillary by telling her some of the questions that can be expected from “didi & quiz master”

1. Why was srk the owner of the ipl team of the great city of kolkata detained in the US recently?

Wrong answer – it’s a part of the security procedure. We frisk everybody and anybody found to be suspicious is detained.

Mamata’s didi’s expected response – huh!, bloody incompetent americans. Good for nothing.

Correct answer – he was reading a book written by karl marx. Anybody with such strong leftist tendencies cannot be trusted.

Mamata didi’s response – ofcourse, well done. Keep up the good work. Hopefully he will now realize that he should not be reading such good for nothing books…

2. What color nail polish do you like to apply?

Wrong answer – red, it goes well with my skin tone.

Mamata didi’s response – pathetic. Red is the color of blood and most importantly left parties. It cannot be promoted…

Correct answer – I don’t apply nail polish (hides her fingernails with red nail polish). I like to keep it simple. I am inspired by great leaders like yourself who are so simple, calm, peaceful and down to earth. Actually where is ladies room (rushes to remove the red nail polish from fingers)

3. Why did you forgive bill after all his, err, adventures with monica?

Wrong answer – well, I thought, what has happened, has happened. He is smart, sexy and a popular chap with connections. He can be useful in my political career.

Mamata didi’s reaction – bharasth lady, get out. Get out of this pavitra house and this great state of poshim bongo, we have no place for such shameless ladies who only think of their careers. Out you go.

Correct answer – well didi, it was difficult as you can imagine (actually sorry you can’t coz you’re not married, but whatever). I did demand a roll back, I mean err, divorce. But then he fell on my feet and actually gave me your example that if great mamata didi can support manmohan despite odd differences then why can’t we make peace. Ofcourse he has promised to ensure that his mouth stays shut like mms as well… We’re truely inspired by your generous and kind nature.

4. Given a choice of investing in indian roads, airports or railways what would you choose?

Wrong answer – roads are the lifeline of any city/ country and indian roads need a lot of investment to make them as good as american expressways. So we would like to invest in roads.

Mamata didi’s response – you foolish woman. How will investment in roads help. We have bullock carts moving on roads, do you think they prefer expressways to kachchi roads that we have. You americans just don’t understand. There is a reason for keeping the roads like they are. In cities, our kids play cricket on roads. Do you think that anybody practicing on flat wickets will end up being as talented as my dear sourav… Just good for nothing idiots you are…

Correct answer – ofcourse railways. Can’t be anything else. Actually we’ve even thought of our first “quite innovative” project… We’ll re-paint all the coaches, that are currently painted red to green (the symbol of prosperity). We just need your blessings to kick start this project. Ofcourse it will also allow us to work with a great leader and administrator like yourself (mamata didi blushes and says you’re too nice. It all sounds great, I have no other questions).

One tricky question from derek –

5. We have a great tradition of partying with friends. So before we sign anything what would you like to eat and what music would you like to sing and dance to?

Wrong answer – we’ll I have heard a lot about aloo paranthas. I would like to try those. Also I have heard about this kolavari di song which has become quite a hit globally, let’s groove to that…

Derek has a victorious smile – the one you have when you’ve successfully trapped someone. Didi is furious and has turned red. She shouts – you foolish white woman. Do you singh you are in the residence of mms that you want to eat paranthas. Nobody eats paranthaas here. And what’s this deal about kolavari di. I have never heard of it. Are you a tamil amma or what? You won’t get anything, no projects, no food and no music. Out you go…

Correct answer – what else can we eat except a sweet rossogulla, which I have heard is as sweet as you are in this parts of world. Also is there any better music than rabindro sangeet. Such peaceful and melodious music. Much like the voice of my favority mamata didi (mamata didi blushes and turns red, derek is also satisfied)…