Month: March 2012

Gujarat, Karnatake MLAs caught watching Porn in assembly – before others get caught let’s include it as one of their jobs…

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Now that there are allegations that Gujarat MLAs are (also) watching porn in state assembly, there is a need to look at this “issue” (or should we say “phenomenon”) in a greater detail and perhaps with a constructive mind-set. As they say – Boys will be Boys – as much as we want them to focus on work at hand, a part of their brain will also be engaged in the “kaama” of the other kind. So there is no point in rejecting the notion that our MLAs are beyond all these “petty matters”, unless we believe that they are impotent – well, actually some folks do believe that many politicians are “impotent” but I guess they are referring to sound decision making impotency rather than sexual impotency. Anyways let’s not digress…

So if we work with the assumptions that – 1 . boys will be boys – they cannot obviously focus on their job for long and so the mind is likely to wander (in naughty directions) and 2. Proceedings in assemblies are, well to say the least – boring – atleast as compared to the other “entertainment” avenues available on internet enabled mobiles & tablets. It is quite logical that MLAs (men and women – in the spirit of gender equality, let me also include women into the argument) are likely to think of other naughty things to do, atleast sometimes. Afterall as they say – “all work and no play makes jack a dull boy”. So I believe that we should accept such tendencies of our MLAs and use these in a constructive manner.

Here is what I am suggesting – let’s get rid of the censor board and give the responsibility to our dear old elected representatives. First of all, let me clearly say that the censor board is not doing a bad job. Absolutely not. They are doing a first rate job, but I think there is quite a lot of work and some folks cannot have all the fun of watching all the adult content. We are, afterall, living in a democracy – which ofcourse means that our leaders have rights that the common men & women do not. So obviously our leaders – who we have selected (knowingly or unknowingly, sometimes in exchange of food/liquor…) should be given the task of watching and approving all the content before it reaches common folks like me and you (unless you are a politician, in which case, it’s only me!).

Anyways, the amount of adult material in all forms of media – from news to daily soaps – has increased and the current censor board has done a super job to ensure that it comes on primetime and all through the day to ensure that as a society we mature and are not clueless about basic (eh what should I say – maybe) instincts. Now we have fashion tv’s midnight haute on primetime (which btw I think is a brilliant idea anyways), our cricketers on television show middle fingers and abuse, on daily soaps there are suhaag raat episodes, pretty much all movies have a item number or two and finally let me not get started on some reality shows like roadies which have more beeps than words. All of this multiplied by the number of language channels we have in our country. So broadly speaking it’s a big responsibility and it’s about time that we pass it on to the folks that we trust the most – who else but our dear politicians.

So what my humble suggestion is that every state assembly which monitor the regional channels and movies and the national parliament would look at issues of national interest. Oh come on, ofcourse you know the issues of “national interest” – our favorite crickets showing middle fingers, our most popular tv bahus enjoying suhaag raats on telly and ofcourse not to forget reality shows like roadies and big boss.

I know that the work load of the politicians would increase because of this and potentially they would have to work on this even when the parliament is not in session. But I am sure that our hard(ly) working politicians would want to take up this challenge and spend atleast 2-3 hours each day on this “project”.

These are tough times, once again we need to fall back on our politicians. Afterall who else can we rely on except the people that we trust the most (don’t forget that we trust them with upto 30% of our hard earned money – and look how well the money is safely invested in the foreign banks!). Plus as we struggle with increasing government expenditure and fiscal deficit, reducing some folks from censor board(s) will help to reduce costs. Folks in these censor boards have anyways had their share of fun for way too long – watching all the adult content for years, huh, while our “poor ole” politicians sit in assemblies making laws for the country. It’s about time that the democracy takes charge and this important role that shapes the entire moral fabric of the country is entrusted to the most responsible people of the land – our politicians. 

I think once we have 2-3 hours of the work time of politicians assigned to watching adult content then it will help to increase the morale (not to be confused with moral) of politicians towards their “kaam” (pun intended) and we will stop focusing on petty issues such as MLAs watching porn in state assemblies. Even though sachin has made his 100th century, but there are other issues of national importance demanding our sincere attention like – baba sehgal’s new song against killing the girl child with lyrics like – “killing a girl like mutton chop/how can you do this Mr. pop”. – what inspiring lyrics for such nobel cause. Hats off to dear ole Baba!!

why did india loose the match to bangladesh…

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(Dedicated to all those who commented about “india loosing the match”, and an unknown person whose quotes I am guilty of using)

Ever since india lost the match to bangladesh (and a minor event of sachin making his 100th ton happened) I have been reading people’s (allegedly my “friends” as per a popular social networking site) comments about india “loosing” the match. I understand that it was a “tight” match so I can understand the need to loose(n) it a little bit – well and india being one of the gracious guests in the bong land, so yeah loosing is understandable.

I did not watch the match (boo hoo) but I wonder what else loose things happened in the stadium. How did bongs score so many runs – Did indian fields become tired and immobile, did they “loose motion”. One of my friends, who apparently did watch the match, told me afterwards – man, indian bowlers got royally f*cked… I wonder did they wear loose trousers which led to them losing the trousers and them getting screwed. In a tight situation when indians loose it (you can decide what is “it”) everything is possible I guess…

I have really nothing against our team, I am sure the team wanted to put the hundredth century of sachin “at the highest place” (mt. Everest, I think – so that nobody can steal it!). And even though sometimes they get angry and abuse mothers and sisters of the world or show the middle finger, I’ll still say that they have “no attitude problems of temper”. They “sometimes ignore happiness itself” and so they’re “a good and a very happy.”

PS – the abrupt ending is intentional!!!

Greg Smith – Why I am leaving Goldman Sachs… what a cry baby. huh, huh, huh!!!

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It’s really shady that everybody today has been really fascinated by this dude (I would have called him a Big Shot till yesterday, but now “dude” is the politest I can manage- cry baby would be more appropriate though) Greg Smith’s resignation. He was (till yesterday) one of the executive directors of Goldman Sachs. Now in most cases when a high profile person resigns most people think that
a.       he’s made enough money, now he’ll just chill out
b.      He’s got a better job offer – better position and/or more pay
c.       Wants to get into politics

Now I am not saying that any one (or more) are not true in this case, but what’s made it very eye catching is that the dude wrote his resignation letter in the opinion column of New York times. And the more bizarre part of the thing is that the NYT was foolish enough (or smart enough –it might have helped the sales a little bit, definitely gave publicity; but also definitely reduced credibility as a sensible newspaper) to print it.

So what did the guy write in the resignation letter. I have seen loads of resignation letters – most of them are copied from internet or from ex-colleagues’ resignation letter. Most if not all are nice and polite ones, with the employee thanking the managers (who they actually hate from the bottom of their heart and who they could have even killed given half an opportunity!) and suggesting that they are more than willing to finish their pending tasks and assist in smooth transition – HAHAHA … what a bunch of lies. Truth or Lies aside, the resignation letters in most cases tend to be quite polite.

But this “dude” greg smith decided to cry like a 6 month baby on a newspaper about how he does not feel that the culture of the organization (mind you where he holds one of the senior most positions) is right. Dude first of all look at your bank account – most of the money that you have in there is courtesy the same company. If Goldman “sucks” now then it also sucked a decade ago. It was just that you were too young, naïve and most importantly you did not have the comfort of your bank balance (or rather you wanted to earn this bank balance) that you did not speak out then.

Boss if you feel bad about your organization’s culture or policies and you are in a position to influence or change them then try and do that rather than crying like a girl in public. If you can’t change that even then the sensible approach is to keep shut and mind your own business and move away from the organization. Crying in public is just so so uncool. Especially if you have been made bloody rich by the same company and the same practices… Don’t give us all this rubbish about the organization culture disappearing, heart not being in the right place. Just admit it you’re either having a mid-life crisis (no need to be ashamed of it) or you’re just too bored of it (understandable after 12 years in the same company).

Anyways, whatever has happened, has happened, the cry baby letter is out there in public. Some sissies will sympathize with Greg and say what a nice thing he did by resigning. The smart chaps will just say HUH and laugh at his foolishness, maybe even feel bad for the poor dude who has clearly completely lost it. Unlike salman khan who proclaimed – “mujhpe ek ehsaan karna, ki mujhpe koi ehsaan na karna”, my only request to greg is – dude just do one favor – now please don’t write a book on this whole thing. I am sick and tired of people posting this article on social networking sites and indulging in arm chair activism on how bad investment banking industry is. I am frankly sick of it already and want it to get over with it. I don’t want a book to surface in a few months and this whole thing to start all over again …

P.S. – if you like to read this cry baby resignation letter then please google “Why I am leaving Goldman Sachs” (it is too shady to be included on this honorable blog!) – there are enough websites that have uploaded it, hoping to ensure that New York Times does not encash on all the hype surrounding this shady business…

Beti B has a name – aaradhya bachchan

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OOh no, it’s aaradhya – aaradhya bachchan. After much ado finally when the attention of folks moved away from beti b to more mundane issues like the state elections and the budget of the country, the bachchan pariwaar decided to announce the name of beti b.

Yours truely was always under the impression that the kid would always be known as Beti B – which is not a bad name anyways. Seriously Beti B or B.B. as we could have lovingly called her would have been such a nice name. Remember the adorable B.B. From kill bill (don’t remember, see below cute B.B. In her action packed avatar)…

Anyways Beti B or B.B. Would have had loads of advantages, let me list a few –

1. It’s already google optimized – last time I searched for Beti b on google it gave me 13.5 million results – not bad eh… So my humble opinion is why spoil such a “already google optimized brand”.

2. B.B. Could have been expanded in which ever way – if she turned out to be brilliant, she would have been Brilliant B, if as a actress she did bold scenes, she would have been called Bold B, if she turned out bigari huyi she would have been called Bigari B and finally if she decided to leave india and settle abroad she would be called Bilayati B. So you see B.B. Works quite nicely with all scenarios.

3. Beti B or B.B. Is short and snappy and people across the world could have remembered it easily (except for some angrez who might have called her “baithi” B instead of Beti B – but that’s not so bad, would have conveyed a “settled” feeling to all!). This is much better than a tongue twister aaradhya – might get twisted to “are red yeah” – as if she’s a marsian (belonging to the “red” planet).

4. Beti B is also better for twitter – with less number of characters and a short form B.B. There is no clear short form for aaradhya bachchan (too many ABs anyways! – too confusing, not that anyone is tweeting about abhishek or aish anyways except for PJs, but still).

5. Anyone with a name like Aaradhya will end up with roll number 1 in school and colleges – imagine the problems kid will face!!! Even if she’s two minutes late, she’ll miss attendance; her homework and exam sheets will be checked first of all and worst of all if the teacher makes kids sit in order of roll numbers then she’ll end up sitting right up front – watching the teachers in high definition and with no opportunity of napping in sleepy classes. Phew that’s tough!!!

So everything considered, my humble opinion is that the family should think of best interests of the kid and resort back to Beti B (B.B.).

congress’ defeat in 2012 state elections – rahul gandhi accepts blame … arey “baba”

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Congress has performed quite poorly in different state elections in early 2012. Rahul gandhi has accepted a lot of responsibility for the poor performance. MMS has been silent as always and twitter has been abuzz with comments like rahul gandhi’s performance can be compared to a kid who’s come 5th in a class where there are only 4 students!!!

My humble opinion is that more than rahul gandhi, the cause of poor performance of congress should be blamed on oldies who keep (seemingly lovingly) calling him “rahul baba”. Rahul “Baba” will lead us to prosperity – folks, come on, you can’t be serious!!!.
Given the track record of all “baba”s, you couldn’t have expected rahul “baba” to do anything special.

Well if you think about it, it (the “baba” business) started with dear ole Baba Sehgal. Mind you when he started out he was the biggest thing in indian pop music industry. Almost our own eminem!!! He belted out numbers like the iconic – thanda thanda pani and dil dharke (who could forget the, oh so sexy, pooja bedi in the video of song). But then the magic of baba sehgal became thanda just as fast and people’s dils stopped beating for him. The dear ole darling of youth ended in acting in a shady movie – Miss 420 and that was the end of baba sehgal phenomenon.

In more recent times, another “baba” moved from 5am slot on religious channels to all day slots on mainstream news channels – Baba Ramdev. He was so popular across age groups, sex, caste etc that people decided to bunk weekend movies, either at home or cinemas, and decided to go to his drama and hang around there day and night. The baba claimed to champion the cause of anti corruption and attracted interest of even my favorites – rakhi sawant. Now clearly if dear rakhi is interested in your drama then it’s something big and worthwhile going on. But for dear ole ramdev the tide turned and he had to run off in a woman’s dress (wonder what that woman was wearing, whose dress he took!), trying to escape beating from delhi police. After that media also turned against him as it turned out that he was trying to eradicate only that corruption where he did not get a share himself (which is fair enough, I think, but most people decided to ditch him).

So given the dismal fate of media and music icons babas (the sehgal and ramdev types) it is strange that rahul gandhi was (lovingly?, or is it a conspiracy!) Called “baba”. Clearly being called “baba” has a negative impact on the success/popularity of the person. Coming to think of it even sanju “baba” (sanjay dutt) has faced loads of problems over last many years.

So being called a “baba” is not the right approach to adopt, it might lead to initial popularity (as it happened in cases of other “baba”s but leads to issues later on, even for rahul gandhi it’s been a big change from youth icon to this poor performance – as some folks are saying that he’s come 5th in a class of 4 students!!!). So my humble analysis on congress’ poor performance is that it’s all due to “baba” effect. Even if he was called rahul “baby” maybe the congress would have fared better (afterall who can forget karishma kapoor’s super hit song – baby, baby baby mujhe log bolein). The other strategy could have been that congress could have roped in dear young poonam pandey to motivate it’s leaders in her signature way. If she can lead india to a “world” cup victory, I am sure congress leaders could have been energized to win in state elections. Who knows, maybe the congress may be keeping this trump card for the national elections!!! Anyways whatever they do, clearly rahul “baba” is not the way to be for rahul gandhi and congress party to succeed…

no regard for privacy in restaurants in south india… absolutely disgraceful

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I thought it only happened in chennai – the city that I hate from the bottom of my heart – but now that it’s happened a few times in hydr as well, I think it might be a south indian phenomenon. Mind you I have never seen (or heard) it happen in delhi during my 20 plus year stay in the city. If hitler was here, I am sure he would have just remarked – told you that the aryans are a superior race!!!

So what’s the problem??? – well, it’s really quite simple you see. I like to eat in peace. I absolutely hate it when a stranger coolly comes and sits opposite (or even worse, next to me) while I am sitting and eating politely in a restaurant. I think it is outrageously rude on their part and it is sheer politeness on my part that I don’t start shouting and making a scene there. Maybe I should really resort to that as ajay devgan in the trailer of a upcoming movie, “Tezz”, says – “aajkal izzat maangne sey nahi milti. Cheenani padhti hai.”

What baffles me the most in this entire situation is that they don’t even ask permission to sit on my table, they just assume that just because there is/are vacant chair(s) on my table, it’s their god given right that they coolly stroll over and occupy it – hello, have you never been taught manners relating to behaving in public, have you no consideration of others right to privacy???

The thing is that they are not even doing it deliberately to piss me off – even that could be understood, maybe they just don’t like me so they’re doing it. But it’s just their natural behavior, which is the worrying part. The fact that they think its alright is something that absolutely pisses me off. I don’t know who taught me (probably nobody did – it’s just common sense!), that it’s rude and impolite to just randomly come and sit next to a stranger. But clearly that category of teacher (parents, friends, family, common sense…)has clearly not done it’s job in case of south indians. I just find it so annoying.

I don’t demand much when I go out to eat – I just want the food that I have ordered (preferably fresh and hot) and a decent ambience where I can sit peacefully and eat. Mind you, I am paying for both of these. So, it’s not too much to expect I think. Now when someone just sits in front of me, clearly I am way too disturbed and can’t enjoy my meal. I have tried giving dirty looks but mostly this south indian chappie (it has always been chappies) is too thick skinned or moronic to register that. I just try and quickly finish my food, pay up and leave. I have thought about complaining to the waiters n all but my worry is that they’ll just coolly say – ” look saar there is hardly any table free, kindly adjust” – which will just annoy me to no end. I don’t believe that they believe it to be rude/impolite. If they did, ideally it’s their job to stop it from happening …

I think next time it happens, I shall either tell the person to buzz of (saying that their presence is annoying and disturbing!) Or start speaking something random like how dravidians lack all sense of politeness and should have been executed by hitler, before he got to jews. Something like that or maybe some choiciest of abuses will hopefully buzz off the person from my table and will allow me to finish my meal in peace …